As I was typing up a quick thank you on Facebook, I decided I wanted to write more. More than just a thank you for my birthday wishes. I miss writing, but when I have the time I seem to be at a loss for what to say. Later I’ll have some witty commentary I want to get down, but as I finally sit, it’s gone. So says the 40 year old mind.
I wanted to take a moment though as I sit here with my cup of coffee and reflect a bit on turning 40. While I take little stock in numbers and value far more how I feel, where I am in my life and where I’m heading. It seems that 40 is a pretty decent milestone to stop and pause and digest.
I am grateful. First and foremost. I am healthy, at this point in my mothers life she had battled cancer for the first time and had gone through a few surgeries. If you’ve ever had someone that close to you go through something like that, in my own mind, it was a milestone to get past her diagnosis. Like it was a race that I wanted to win to prove my path was different. I have been blessed. Despite a bit of a scare last year, I am healthy and I am grateful.
I have three amazing children who love me, frustrate me, challenge me and make me laugh every single day. Recently I have had some opportunities to travel and have been gone for a few days at a time. I find that leaving them no longer brings the restoration it once did when they were small. I prefer to be at home with them on our couch talking, laughing or just hanging out. I cherish it really. I think with arriving at 4o I also see that my time with my kiddos as I know it is dwindling. It has put me in a sort of panic, wanting to soak up each and every moment. I am chronically putting them to bed too late so we can talk, just a little more. Fortunately they have their parents gift for gab and are all too happy to oblige. I think about them, how they are doing in school, in their social lives, in their activities and I couldn’t be more proud. My heart swells when I reflect on how different they are, how they have such unique strengths and qualities that make them, them. It’s a bit like the excitement of when they walk for the first time or go to Kindergarten, I can’t wait until I see what becomes of them. Unlike walking and Kindergarten, however, I am not in a hurry to get to this milestone.
For the last year Ryan and I have been working side by side on projects with our company, Page Construction Services. Or as I fondly refer to it as PCS because it’s so damn wordy. (Love you babe) I know most people don’t feel they could work quite so closely with their spouse and I am sure many could or would not find it productive. For us however, it’s how we started. That silly 6th floor at CAP, where we worked on projects together, fought, designed, compromised and agreed. We learned how to work together in a variety of contexts and it formed the relationship we are blessed with today. I know I can speak for Ryan when I say we are so much stronger working together, rather than apart. Sure other jobs I’ve held have filled me in different ways, but there is nothing like working together on a project. The design is better, the communication is better, the outcome is better. It is an amazing experience. I see interviews or read articles about Chip and Jo of Fixer Upper and how they describe that working together just works for them. While we’re not Chip and Jo, I couldn’t agree more. My favorite days are when Ryan and I work on a project together. I am grateful we get to do this for a living.
I think about 40 and how it’s suppose to be old. You also hear that 40 is the new 30, which is often spoken by 40 year olds. There are things that 40 brings that suck, like a new stiffness in the morning when I get out of bed or weight gain from confused hormones. I’d love to say that I’m at a place where I don’t care what people think. I’m not there, I’m confident in who I am and what I believe, but I’d be lying if I said that I’m not insecure or feel left out and alone at times. I also find that 40 also brings a sadness through the loss of lives and friendships and relationships. I struggle with depression and it rears it’s ugliness during times of stress and anxiety more easily as I’ve gotten older. These are things that 40 can’t take away.
There is however, some grace that comes with 40. When I see clearly, I see what matters and what doesn’t. I feel more compelled to speak my mind when it comes to rights and wrongs. I am less worried about the things that don’t add to our lives. I have less tolerance for petty things. I can see people for who they are and discern their gifts more easily. I think about where I want to go and how I want to be as I age. I have never been one of those people who longs to go back in time. I’ve always enjoyed the phase I was in, for what it was and how long it lasted. I have fond memories and sure there are moments that I would love to do over or experience one more time to soak them in, but I wouldn’t go back in time for them. There is too much to look forward to ahead of me to want to go back. I am grateful for that perspective which I think contributes to why I wasn’t dreading 40 to begin with.
Overall 40 is fine. 40 doesn’t really matter because it just marks my days here on earth. It tells no one who I am or anything about me other than I have a new box to check on personal info questionaires. I prefer to think about those I’ve known who would have liked to reach 40. Who would have been magnificent at 40, but didn’t get that chance. In that light, 40 is pretty freaking awesome. So as today gets started and I am 40 plus one day I will continue to walk as I do, act as I do and think as I do on any other day. I am grateful to those who’ve made my birthday special. You don’t realize how kind words can lift a person up and make them feel special, honored even. How lovely to hear such nice things about you, what you mean, how you make people feel. I am grateful, even if Facebook had to remind you, I am grateful you took the time to send a message, text or call. It feels good. It feels like love and you can’t go wrong with that.
So onward to forty one and beyond. It is a good season and I shall embrace it.
Seeing as this has become a quarterly blog, I will do my best to summarize our summer. In one word it was: fast. It started off strong and then just flipped onto autopilot and it was over.
Jon juggled volunteering at Conner Prairie nearly full time with football conditioning. He’s on the 8th grade football team and having a wonderful season. I am so super proud of how far my boy has come and how hard he’s worked for his spot on the line. He’s handling 8th grade, working as a volunteer and sports better than I could have expected and we are so proud of the young man he is becoming.
Drew is having his own fantastic football season, leaving a trial of smaller players behind him. He is a force to be reckoned with and it is incredible to watch my gentle giant pull off some pretty awesome plays. He’s in his last year of elementary school, which I’m not sure when it happened because I’m pretty sure he was in 2nd grade yesterday. It will be so weird to only have one kiddo left in elementary school. It will be like a break up of sorts – I’ mean you leave on good terms, but you have nothing left in common. I am fairly certain I will be heartbroken in two years.
Penny is giving Volleyball a go – she’s wanted to for a while so we decided to hand up the soccer cleats until spring and volley some balls. She’s a natural and I’m loving a chance to play again, even if it’s with mini-people. She’s doing quite well in 3rd grade, too smart for her own good, but truthfully it’s her loving heart and character that I love the most about this girl. She’s funny and witty and I know that when the boys leave us to go on to college and life she will be left and it will be a very pleasant experience. It is hard for me to believe my baby is this big.
Ryan and I are working hard together to take Page Construction to a more organized, successful level. We had some real humdinger hold ups this summer, but we were able to navigate them as gracefully as I think anyone could. I am so proud of the work he does and I love working with him. We often get from people that they couldn’t possibly work with their spouses. That they’d kill each other or fight or whatever. Truthfully, and I know I can speak for both of us, we get along great. If we could work together side by side everyday for the rest of our lives we’d be okay with that. We did in college, it’s how we met and grew as friends. Do we argue or disagree? Sure we do, but it’s never anything we can’t resolve. Working together is just something that works for us and I’m grateful we can do it.
Now to me. So as we left it I withdrew from my graduate program because at the end of April I found out that the University enrolled me in the wrong program. (WHAA – WHAA) I was in discussions this summer with the Provost of Ball State on how to resolve the matter. Ultimately, I asked for my tuition back for my second semester of classes because I really wasn’t sure how they would translate to another program, if I chose one, down the road. It was agreed upon, but in doing so I had to lose the credits for those classes that I wanted reimbursed. It was a bittersweet day watching those credits disappear and knowing all the hard work that went with them. So for now, teaching is left to subbing and volunteering, which is working out quite nicely. I volunteer twice a week in a room I worked in two years ago. It’s a special needs room and they never get volunteers. These little people have my heart and love working with them. I get to visit all of my little friends from last year, which are now big first graders. They make me feel so loved when I come to say hi. And because I don’t have enough to do my great friend Kim and I are starting a small business doing shirts, baskets and other crafty bits. We just launched a Facebook page and are doing our first holiday show in November. We’ll see where it goes, but for now we’re having a lot of fun planning and creating.
One sad note, our big ol’ fluffy girl Marcy passed away in July. We’ve been trying to just give Cyd lots of love and attention. We all miss her lumbering around and those sweet, big, brown eyes. It was a difficult decision, but watching her decline was so heartbreaking as well. We miss and love you are sweet polar bear!
We also hosted an Italian exchange student for a month mid-July through mid-August. It was a bit last minute, a bit stressful, but we got through it and I think he had a very good time. Perhaps one day we’ll get a chance to visit him and his family in Italy!
Thanks for taking the time to catch up –
Today is our district’s Homecoming. Every year, despite our district’s large size, the schools release early and the community comes out to celebrate Homecoming and the parade. Having been very involved in the homecomings of my own high school years, I love to soak in the small town feel, cheering for our student athletes, activities and clubs on floats and feet. The kids lining the streets with their bags, hoping to catch a bit of candy before dinner. Even though my homecomings were fun as a teen, we had three communities filing into my school. It takes on a very different feel than when it’s one town, one school.
I have many friends who were born and raised in Noblesville. I had one of these friends remark on how strange it was to be back for these and a little disheartening because perhaps she should be somewhere else, somewhere different. I don’t agree. I love setting our roots here, our kids roots. I love that my children will be able to attend a school district from beginning to end. I love celebrating an emerging legacy, because it’s something I don’t have. Even though I stayed at the same high school for all four years, moving in my 8th grade year always made me feel a bit of an outsider. Never quite part of any one group, never really having deep, long lasting friendships that started in the early elementary years. That isn’t to say that I don’t have some great and amazing friends from that time in my life. I do. I am so happy and a little jealous of the connections my children have, have made and will continue to make as they grow. I think about next year when Jon will most likely be on some float for either a sport or a club and it just makes my heart happy to know it will be that way for Drew and for Penny too. The opportunity that is to be a part of a lasting tradition, despite our community’s growing size. So here’s to you Millers. I hope you bring home a win for Homecoming and even if you don’t, I still love you!
Well since I seem to be writing quarterly, let me catch you up.
Here are the highlights:
- Drew and Penny had very successful soccer seasons, which are now finished.
- Jon had a great first season of rugby and looks forward to next spring, where Drew will be joining him in the sport. Jon’s team made it to semi-state which is a huge accomplishment after only having been a team for a few years. The boys did great and we all learned the difference from a Scrum to a Hooker to a Sir. I feel very civilized.
- Our school year ended. We had to say good bye to all of our amazing teachers and tuck another fantastic year in the books. ALL of my kiddos were very blessed to have had a great school year.
- My school year ended and I had to say good bye to my littles at school. It’s tough seeing those little sweet faces each day and then one day not so much. Each and every one of those little nuggets touched my heart and I will never forget them. I especially love when I run into them outside of school, it’s such a treat! I can’t wait to see them all as big first graders next year.
- Ryan continues to be incredibly busy, I have started my role as his operations and office manager, trying to get a better handle on running the business, while he is out making the business. We have grown and it is now two full time jobs. I am enjoying this transition and we’ll see where it leads us.
- At the end of May I had the good fortune of taking a trip to Ohio with my dear friend Kim and we attended the Springfield Flea Market. While it was a bit of an antique bust, we had a blast and it was MUCH needed girl time and time away. Plus we had too many laughs to recall and you know it’s a good time when your face hurts from smiling.
- I received some pretty disappointing news the end of April, it appears that I was enrolled in the wrong program at Ball State and none, I repeat, none of my classes are going to get me any closer to teaching. I was devastated. I am currently in discussions with the Provost, the University Dean and the Teachers College to figure out how this happened and make sure this happens to no one else. Not sure what I’ll do, but I’m happy to report I ended my second semester with another 4.0! Unfortunately the program I thought I was enrolled in no longer exists, yet it is still advertised on the website. At this moment I am just taking this summer to clear my head, take a break from the insane pace of schooling and just enjoying my kids and helping Ryan with our family business. I don’t know what the fall will bring and if I’ll be returning to the Creek as an IA, right now I’m just taking it one day at a time.
- This summer Ryan celebrates his 40th and we celebrate our 15th. I’m still trying to figure out what I can do special for Ryan for his big day and we’re trying to plan something fun and short for us since we are just off the heals of Disney.
- For those who may be curious, it has been a year since Miss M was with us. All of the proper documents and time spans have occurred and she will be fully adopted into her new family sometime this summer. We have heard she is doing well and we are always grateful to God for that news. The amazing family she has become a part of is currently in the process of adopting another sibling set of three, which will bring their family up to 12 children! God bless them for being the hands and feet of God and having the heart and home that is a haven for these children. It is still a difficult loss for us and we think about all of it each day. We are healing and I am grateful for that each and every day.
- We are sad to report that our sweet girl Marcy is showing a steady decline in health. Poor girl has neuropathy in her hind legs and is slowing down more and more. We’ve already prepared the kids that this will probably be her last few months with us.
- At the end of the summer we’ll be hosting a young man from Italy for about a month. He’s 13, his dad is one of the coordinators of the Sister Cities program between Noblesville and Cittidela. He and his dad coordinated for him to stay and we’re the lucky family. We’re excited to have him and hopefully we learn as much from him as he does from us. Plus it’d be great to visit HIM in Italy in the future.
So that’s that in a nutshell. Sorry for the absence, but better late than never, right?
My Rugby Boy
Our annual pink hair for summer
We got the opportunity to hang out with friends and the kids were especially excited to finally meet Mr. John Green in person.
The Antique Geeks
So for months I had been planning our surprise Spring Break trip. All the kids knew was we were going to Florida. We do it often so they didn’t question things. When Ryan and I discussed this trip I wanted it to be THE BIG ONE. I wanted to do everything and anything we could and make it a magical time. We surprised the kids the night before with their magic bands. They were shocked. It was perfect!
We flew out, arrived and acclimated. We started our first day off with Breakfast with Mickey and the rest, well you’ll see. For the record we’ve drunk the kool-aid. We loved Disney. I knew we’d like it, I knew we’d have fun. But we LOVED it. EVERY SINGLE BIT. We cried when we left. We didn’t want to leave. We want to go back. So much for our one trip, eh? The kids were thrilled. The week was every bit of what I had hoped, dreamed, planned and schemed. It was perfect. The weather was perfect. It was exactly what we needed.
After four days at Disney we headed over to Universal. It was fun, but we were losing steam and it wasn’t Disney. Harry Potter’s Hogwarts and Diagon Alley were awesome and well worth it. There were some fun rides and shows in the other areas, but we’d go early each day, finish up by lunch and then lounge by the pool to enjoy the last few days of our vacation. It was actually a perfect way to end our trip. I could go on and on, but here are some pictures to share our experience.
Here’s some of my absolute favs:
Drew makes THE BEST rollercoster faces!
Yes, she’d do pageants if I’d let her.
Meeting Elsa and Anna we awesome – it’s amazing how these gals perfectly play the princesses, down to the way they stand.
Wish we had met the real Phineas and Ferb, these guys will have to do.
Harry Potter at Universal is just as amazing as you would imagine. It’s like walking not the set of the movie. Just incredible!
They even laughed together – only Disney can do this magic.
One of my absolute favorites of the three of them – it’s not a perfect photograph by quality standards, but I couldn’t love those smiles more.
The Gringott’s dragon was awesome – when he breathed fire, you felt it all through Diagon Alley.
Until we meet again, Mickey!